Ever get that feeling of explosion inside your head? Of course.

The past few weeks has been twisting my patience to its limit, and I hate it.

All I want is to have a better year than of 2015. Isn’t that so simple? Is it really that hard to get over the horrible past and get on with my effin’ life.

I think I’ve been miserable enough to get the hold of myself. I’ve done so much that makes me happy this year, but that won’t always be permanent–won’t it?

It saddens me that I’m turning 23, and this is the nth time that I haven’t celebrated with people I truly care about and it SUCKS! BIGTIME.

I hate when plans go to waste. I already hate going to plan b when things change, now I’m so sooooooooo full of disappointment, I want to scream all the shit I am feeling right now.

Yes, sure, we’re gonna have to celebrate some other time…but jeez. it does not feel the same. I want to have a memorable one, not just some pity party. god. I hate feeling like shit.

Anyway. Life sucks at the moment; but a wise man once said (little bro) “things will turn around”




What is love?
It’s defined by norms as the emotion you carry with the following circumstances:
Extensive Care





Why love?
Why do humans tend to feel this emotional need to be wanted? To be accepted? To be or not to be, loved.
When do we know when it’s love?

When we feel all the butterflies crazing up our stomachs?

When we see that….I need to be honest, we’re happy?
Setting love aside; I feel great. 

For once in my life I feel carefree. 

I feel invincible once again! 
The fear of soon enough this will end.

The fear of losing someone once again.

The fear of pain, emotionally.
“I doubt, therefore I think” -Descartes

I am a man of intellect. I think–a lot.

No one could blame me for having such a shitty childhood; maybe it’s how I took it but man, it sucks–big time.

For years I’ve doubted myself for what I can do, for what I am capable of–redundant? Yes. No.

I speak what’s in my mind. I may hurt but I don’t care. Not.

I want what’s best for everyone. I want to be just. I want what I did not have when I was a child. Equality.
I have had quite some feuds in the past.

I’ve dealt with so-called-enemies before.

(in fact there are more coming along the way)

I’ve been through so much shit the past 22 years, 11 months and x days.
Hate is just another factor of life keeping you balanced.
An intoxicating element of the universe that keeps us going; May it be love to yourself, your family, your pets, your friends, the world or that one person.

Love will always mellow your soul.

–ease the pain.

–take you high.

—and what not. 

So don’t ask me if I love you back. 

Yours truly,


Steal that moment.

Sometimes I want to slap my past-self for doing something reckless that I know I could prevent from doing, then again, those “sometimes” are often the times where I learn…I grow…I “live”.

It’s hard for me to express myself to someone that I really like (whyyyyy?). I get to a point where I even question my own feelings cause of my very good friend, rejection….face it, Melissa…you’re only human right? (Yes, I’m talking to myself in my own blog. A lot of people do this, right?)

I stole a moment. A moment that I felt was right, a moment that I knew I could genuinely endear on my own or not; I felt alive.

This got me thinking, good or bad, what could happen or not. My mind kept on running various predictions for days….then…I stopped.

I told myself, that’s enough. What’s important is you’ve done something for yourself, for you to get that feeling out even though you think it may have been a bit inappropriate due to the fact that you were intoxicated. You knew that you could’ve not done it, you knew the consequences, you knew what you wanted to express.

This was the start of my misery, I had this coming. Hereupon, I will show you how I will face life under the shadows of my own thoughts.

The only thing constant is change.


Lately, as I have mentioned in my previous post, I have been feeling overwhelmed of all the things flowing into my life. To sum it up, I am very happy.

Yesterday I just got informed that I would be transferred to a new project. This is huge news for me. I was not ready for this to happen this soon. Hence, I was panicking from the drastic change that’s about to happen. Here were my thoughts:

  • My budget is ruined, big time.
  • Will I get the same benefits like from what I had before?
  • Can I handle working with real-life-people?!?!?! (back short-story: I don’t have colleagues in my work area, I’m used to working alone and talking to my team via phone only.)
  • I am feeling more nauseous from this news than from my workout this weekend. (back story: I went to a free boot-camp for cross-fit last Saturday,  didn’t know it was gonna be that intense. Went for swimming for my sister’s 9th birthday on Sunday till afternoon, then went back home to play badminton as it is my Sunday regime. One word: Over fatigue.[Now I’m sick as hell.])

Then there goes me talking to my friends and my mom. I’m glad I have them…cause if not…no one would be reminding me these things:

  • Change sucks but it is essential.
  • Better things are yet to come.
  • You don’t need them, are you happy with what you’re doing? (This one hit me right in the face)
  • You deserve more than what you have now.
  • Maybe it’s time to give yourself some rest from the shifting schedule (3PM-1AM) and have the regular schedule for you to be able to focus on keeping yourself healthy.

Weighing all of what I said to what my friends and mom said, I think there’s no more questioning that my emotions were focusing on the comfort zone that I am in. Good thing I’ve got good people to guide me!

Yes, I feel a little sad at one point, but I won’t let this ruin the positive energy that I have! Cheers!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Life is not a one way street. It really surprises you with different directions. You can map out your life but you can’t always rely on that map.

The light and the dark side


Overwhelmed: this is how I’ve been feeling the past few months.

This year’s ending its half with a whole lot of fun, I can already taste it! Those people close to my heart are gonna be in it for sure. We will be visiting one of the “7 wonder cities of Asia” which is Vigan! Well, that’s not the exciting part, Vigan’s just a bonus, what I/we’re really up for is the SAND DUNES! uuuuugghhh! I really crave for excitement and adventure! This is it!

Now going back to being overwhelmed. LOL. What did I just say? I’m a roller coaster when I tell stories! Maybe even a skyway to different directions! LOL. See? See where I’m going? Nope!

Now Seriously! Going back to being overwhelmed…

Lately I’ve been fascinated as to how life is turning out to be, for me, my parents, grandparents, siblings and of course, my friends! It’s just amazing. Two years ago I was struggling to stay positive even though deep inside I was still in pain, still feeling hate, still not forgiving myself (wow, deep lol). The past two years is over. The suffering is gone. I feel invincible! (although 80% of the time I’m very visible due to the loud hair color and the width of my body! [I know that it’s not related to invincible but I hope you get the pun, latest imagery below though! yep, roller coaster.]lmao).


Had I mentioned that I have colored my hair multiple times already in just a span of a year? Yep! I’m bat-shit crazy about my hair! LOL. My BIAS (yes I want to emphasize on the “bias” word cause they keep on mentioning that they think they’re not but then again they think they might be, but who knows? maybe it fits me maybe it doesn’t, I don’t give a shit on other peoples opinion about me anymore, I have learned that not everyone can accept you for you, and whatever else you want to be, you can’t please everyone[jeez this is such a common phrase, yep! lol].) friends are so supportive when it comes to having me pull of weird shit with my hair. Love them so much though! I hope you are confused as to what I’m talking about now, kidding!


By the way! I ran 10 THOUSAND METERS! That’s a big baby step for me! Nextime, I’ll be fit and fab as the way I was! LOL.

Anyway, so that sums up the partial (pure) happiness that I am feeling right now, don’t wanna bore you. I just wanted to share how much I am learning how to live a better life. I hope we all do.

Stay tuned for a whole lot of back-stories! I’m back WordPress!



When was the last time you said “look at that snail, magnificent!”?


I got home this morning and before I got inside the house I saw this snail, this lone, slimy, brown-like creature crawling on our wall in the midst of the rain and sun fighting on who’s turn to take over the city’s weather.

So, what’s up with the snail you say? well, it’s not just about the snail.

Have you ever felt the urge to breakthrough and shine just like your favorite celebrities, heroes, artists and all the other strangers you’ve known but not know personally? I bet you did. If not, stop being an ass and admit it. Just kidding. Seriously. Admit it. Admiration is one way to want something that’s not  or not yet entirely yours. Think about it. I’M NOT SAYING I WANT TO BE A SNAIL NOW.

As I read and re-read the ending of “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green, Thoughts kept flashing in my mind, thoughts that I’ve always asked God or this “Planet” why?

I’ve learned that it may not be the universe who’s looking or asking for attention but it’s us, we want the world to know we exist, as said in the book aforementioned. But hey, I’m not here to talk about the book. I just want to talk about how we, people, crave for happiness but neglect it ironically.

I’ve always dreamed in being a graphic artist, the one who creates advertisements all around the internet and out, I wanted to make beauty and art out of advertisements. Guess what? I have attained that dream. Right after I graduated I got hired in a company who creates ads! Kinda cool huh? Yeah, well… for the first two months I guess… I’m now on my third month and I could barely find any fulfillment in what I’m doing anymore. Was it cause I have limited freedom? Am I impatient? confused? what? I ask myself, why don’t I just quit? Then I asked again, Am I a quitter? If not then suck it all in! You wanted this.

There it was, lack of happiness. You strive and achieve but you fall. Why? I believe it’s because of all the negativity you attract in your life, there may be unwanted events happening in your life, I call them “strong, bad, uninvited forces”, which may occur from time to time depending on how you shield yourself from them. Yes I used the word “shield”, unbelievable right? Anyway, my point is, as said in star wars, “Use the Force”. Scientific, Religion, whichever method you prefer. There’s a whole lot of energy around you, use it to satisfy your happiness but never for your selfishness. Happiness is selfishness you say? I can attest to that. Happiness is when I looked at that snail and said “magnificent!”, now is that so selfish?

Simple things can bring you happiness, never forget that. Don’t ever let anger, pain, stress, envy and all the other negative elements given in this planet take that away from you. Mine got taken, but I’m working to take it back and be bad-ass at it.

If you ever feel sad, deprived etc., look back and see how you’re doing. Get back up, move on and kick some ass! Yes, i like the word “ass” and it makes me feel happy!

P.S. Just like Agustus, in the book “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green,  my thoughts may be like stars, they’re scattered. Bear with me :)

Acceptance, it’s your choice of pain or joy to deal with.

What is Acceptance? From the dictionary it’s ” The act or process of accepting”. Makes sense.

I had been raised without a father. He’s not dead, but he seems to be in a difficult place where he can no longer be with us. It’s sad. Very sad.

People may think why I still think of my father, why don’t I hate him for leaving us, why do I care, why? Mainly because he’s my father. A female child needs her father’s comfort in difficult times, as per a male child needs his mother. It’s so hard to contain all the burden of not having someone to run to in times like these.

One thing that I am proud of is that I never gave up on myself. I know it’s easy to say all this because I’m still young and all but one thing is certain, The world has placed me in a situation only I could handle and I know I can.

I’ve dealt with different people, situations, emotions, all that the world could feed me at a very young age. As many people see me as a normal girl, I’m not. Deep down I’m broken and I’m searching for a way to fix myself.

How I handle things? there goes the acceptance. You have to accept everything that you cannot change, everything your hands are not capable of fixing, everything the world would be giving you. For a while you would cry, get angry, be furious, be regretful, but then you would find another way to remain with the happiness that you could still get.

  • Learn from the past, this means learn from other people’s as well not just yours. This lead me to a very bright path today.
  • Live in the present, because thinking about the past or the future won’t help.
  • Forget the Future, it’s never going to be a straight path towards your goals.
  • Accept the unacceptable and let them live where you have a joyful life.