Live and let go.

It’s funny how strong you could be when you’ve been through so much (well not that much as people in their 40s, I’m on my early 20s, what do I know right?) life trauma, emotional distress, awakening and what not.

You begin to focus on yourself. Nothing (eventually) will stop you in being the better person that you already are.

Should I elaborate on what I’m feeling right now? Probably. That’s the point of this blog right? Maybe some other time.

Right now, as me and my little brother are undermining our love interests crappy decisions on how they treat us, we realize we’re good people. We give our 10000% understanding. 

Then again, how long could we hold up? 

A wise man (my bestfriend) once told me “love until it hurts no more”. Upon checking google, Mother Teresa quoted something like that that would put yourself into questioning “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Can you? Love until there’s no more hurt, only love? 

I have an addition to my bestfriend’s quote, can you love until it hurts no more that you could just live and let go?

Have a great day ahead ūüėä

M.

A little battle won’t hurt.

I’ve been struggling for a few days , it’s a bit of a pity for my past self who hadn’t entered the forbidden state called “love”. Why? because I thought I knew I was strong enough to overcome it.
We can’t control other people’s decisions. What we can control is how we’d feel about it (if it affects you in any way). 

Another lesson learned for this first quarter of my life and I’m proud to say, I handled it quite well; that’s with a few extra help from my loving friends and family! 

Life is very diverse, as said by one of my best friends. In addition to that, I’ve said it before, it’s not a one way street. 

Continue practicing. Who knows? You might just get a PhD in it!

M.

Is it ever enough?

Can you really love someone with your whole-heart? Goodness. I could not believe myself using love and heart at the same sentence. Melissa is changing. Probably experiencing a meltdown from the emotional black-hole.

Opening your soul to another can be a hefty challenge. There are these things to consider, in my opinion:

  • The arguments
  • The stress
  • The trust
  • The loyalty
  • The dishonesty
  • The mistrust
  • The disloyalty
  • The happiness
  • The relaxation
  • The intimacy
  • The misunderstandings
  • The patience
  • The impatiences
  • AND WHAT NOT (told you so)

I’m scared. Scared of the inevitable. Scared of change. Scared of not being enough.

When will we be contented? When will we realize that we’ve already got what we need?

Consistency and persistence. Is it improbable to demand something like this?

I know we live our lives differently but wouldn’t it be so much better¬†if you¬†know that something out there is secured for just yourself? I think we could agree that sometimes, wanting more than what you have (pertaining to your awesome-self and whatever you may have now that makes you happy) is a human error; sucks but I think it’s the only way you could achieve your own personal success.

Without pursuance, we would feel useless; well I don’t know about you but I would.

Life is a continuous game of survival. To survive, we must have purpose. When that drive goes away, everything will fade–even yourself.

Now you might¬†be wondering, why the hell am I reading¬†all these life bullshazm’s of Melissa. Well, it’s part knowing when to have¬†contentment. If within you, you know that you’re not satisfied¬†of what you have now, you should probably do something about it (which can be a number of things). If you have that¬†one slight feeling of uneasiness, maybe you should pause and re-evaluate the situation (ooohhh!¬†you can ask yourself, is this not enough? HA!). Not just by yourself but with everyone involved; may it be your friends, family or your partner. Hearing truthful words can sometimes ease up the emotional black-hole in an easy way or vice versa.

 

I thought that I was seeing things clearly, but I’m not (or I am, I’m just not comfortable of confronting myself about it, who knows?). I still have doubts (which by the way, does not help! well, sometimes), and it’s taking me down to the drain again. I know I shouldn’t let it! It sucks, I know, but it’ll get better.

It always will.

Keep on growing!

Sorry for rambling; you’re probably confused about what my point is.

You’ll get me. Won’t you?

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“Life may always give you a blizzard of worries and problems but it’ll pay off with a bright future. Just keep the optimism¬†alive.” -M.

Pondering.

I have been one of those people who often gets misunderstood. I intend to say the truth but sometimes people take it shallowly, it saddens me.

Each and everyone of us should make it a point to understand situation after situation, statement by statement, setting their mood or emotions aside. I know, I could sometimes misinterpret other’s actions, we’re humans! Can’t blame ourselves about that.

The human logic is so complex. IT SUCKS at times but when you learn all the twists and turns in every situation, you’ll probably get by. Fair warning, you’ll probably encounter several emotional traumas! So if you wan’t to learn all the workarounds and not be a norm, you’ll probably have to extend your patience to a galaxy far far away.

Now you can stop here cause I’ll be expressing my personal life now.

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DCIM100GOPROGOPR0563.

For once I’ll be straightforward(in this blog).

I’m unhappy. I am sick of this stupid feeling. I want to get rid of it (get rid of it in a sense where I take off and move on)….then again, I don’t.

Why? Cause this unhappiness is also my happiness. For several years I’ve dealt with so much, so much that I don’t deserve in an awful way. So much shit had happened, temporary fillings, amazing friends, adventures, even death. Now, I’m happy…well…was…this is sickening. I’m in love.

The one thing that I never thought that I would be doing not until I’m 40….to a child of my own that I adopted and all that shit…that was the plan.

Now I’m not sure…courses are changing…and¬†my heart is in joy&pain.

I’m afraid.

Afraid of being left alone AGAIN.

Afraid of being forgotten.

Afraid of not being good enough.

Afraid of my own thoughts.

Am I making any sense to you?

I thought that I’ve found my worth…I felt amazing! I felt butterflies in my stomach! I’ve even bent my own morals cause I’ve felt a deep connection…but doubt keeps getting in my head.

Is this normal? I’m really not sure. Maybe it’s just me reflecting at¬†the past…can’t blame me for being traumatized.

I have a LOT of insecurities. I got bullied a lot…by relatives mostly….I don’t know why, but it got me…got me thinking that I’ll always be less of a person…that I’m stupid…that I’d be fat forever…that I cry too much….and what not…(yes, used it again.)

What I don’t understand now is why are these feelings rushing back now? Oh, yes. I felt the insecurity again…2012 all over again…it’s like nobody would really get me-me, is that what this is?

I’m already a pain in the ass to myself, I think I don’t need another one to add more pain to this jackass. (not sure if this is even relevant anymore but I’m just saying)

It’s hard, feeling that you’re the only one who wants to move forward.

Then again, feelings can’t be trusted. Words are words. Actions are the only way to move.

This¬†could sound¬†a bit selfish but good lord, haven’t I’ve been selfless enough? I don’t want temporary happiness anymore.

Sorry for being a drama queen and bitching out again. Do you still get me? Should we still proceed? Help me move forward?

M.